The singer, who triumphed in the fourth season of American Idol back in 2005, is reflecting on her journey as her career comes full circle.

In a recent episode of the reality show’s Icon to Idol series posted on YouTube just days before the premiere of season 23, Carrie Underwood revisits her 2005 audition and becomes emotional. In the nostalgic footage, a younger Underwood performs Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” for the original panel consisting of Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, and Paula Abdul, who unanimously decide to send her to Hollywood.

“I have no idea how that 21-year-old Carrie found the courage to walk into a room and audition in front of Simon, Paula, Randy, and the entire world,” Underwood says after the clip ends.

Reflecting on the moment, she adds, “At my audition, I think I was just trying to hold back all my emotions — literally keeping them inside my body.” She also reveals that she still remembers her audition number by heart: “It’s etched in my brain. I should get a tattoo of it somewhere on my body because I’ll always be 14887.”

A few months after her audition, Underwood would go on to win the fourth season of American Idol, launching a successful career in country music, which includes four top 10 hits on the Billboard Hot 100 and four No. 1 albums on the Billboard 200. Now, she’s preparing to step into the role of judge for the first time on the show, taking over Katy Perry’s spot on the panel alongside Lionel Richie and Luke Bryan as the 23rd season debuts on Sunday, March 9.

Carrie will be the only judge with firsthand experience of what it’s like to go through the Idol audition process. After watching her audition, Underwood also took a look at her journal from her time as a contestant, which brought her to tears.

“I don’t even know if I could tell her what she’s about to experience,” she says, struggling to hold back tears. “Seeing myself at 21, with the world ahead of me… it’s overwhelming, but you’re gonna be fine, kid. You’re gonna be OK. Just hold on.”